Friends Only
Though there are some public entries, the majority of my journal is "friends only". If you'd like to read more, please comment. Thanks.
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Though there are some public entries, the majority of my journal is "friends only". If you'd like to read more, please comment. Thanks.
My port hurts. It bugs me every so often with a slight twinge of soreness, but today it’s being exceptional. I wonder if it has anything to do with my period? The way I’ve been hunkered over a lot today? The fact that I’ve felt super full thus….thus I don’t know.
Thus’ are overrated.
Anyway, I’ve been allowed to start eating regular foods now. I’ve ventured into broccoli and it went down pretty well. It was steamed. I also had a bit of pineapple. That went down easy as well.
The other night we had sushi and to my surprise it went down pretty easily. Not to my surprise it’s hard to eat in little bits. I didn’t get sashimi or anything raw because I couldn’t stomach the idea of chewing something raw 30 effin’ times.
Can I say ewwwww!!!!!
My encounter with sushi though, has made me think about my taste buds relationship to food. I understand now that I like sushi when you can gulp it down. The individual ingredients eaten at one is pretty exquisite. Having to eat it parcel by parcel though, not so near exquisite. It may even be a tad blah.
I’ve kind of resigned myself to the fact that sushi will probably leave my cuisine of choice. Someone suggested
I don’t really know though. I haven’t had my first fill yet so I don’t even know if I can stomach the rice later.
I do know that I’m not really going to mourn the loss of sushi. I thought I might because I’ve always loved, loved, loved it. At the moment though, not so much.
I do know that my food choices, bit by bit as they cross my tongue are changing. The slower I eat, the more I chew, the longer food actually stays in my mouth the more I realize certain foods are not as tasty as they once were, simply because I can’t gulp them down.
It also makes me understand that I haven’t really been tasting food all of this time. I’ve gone gah-gah over certain dishes. I’ve plowed into the tastiest things. I’ve always thought I was a connoisseuse of food, I really, really did. But I might as well say the same about wine, a beverage I do not partake in.
I’ve never tasted the full nuance of what I put into my mouth. I’ve never given myself the chance to. Having to eat slowly makes me do this and it makes my appreciate food in a way I never have before. I think for the first time in my overeating, fat assery way of life, I am a true foody.
Can you be a foody and lose weight? Sure can. I don’t think eating less means you enjoy food less. In fact I think I’m starting to enjoy food more. Having to choose carefully, having to know exactly what I want, makes me make wiser choices.
I still have to up the wise in my food choices though. Right now, I’m going through a phase of rediscovery. I’m having to relearn to feed myself and learn what my new self can actually digest. I’m lucky I haven’t yet had too much trouble. But my goals are still chewing even more than I am and eating more slowly than I do. I have no restriction yet and I have to prepare for it.
So, my first fill is November 12th. I’m going to haul ass in and get the pokies, when I come out I think I’ll finally know what all this Lap-Band business is really about.
I’m out. I’ve got so much to do at the moment. Have fun one and all.
© 2008
I’m annoying myself.
Okay, I have the band now it should be simple right? It’s not.
I know I still need to watch what I eat. I have for the most part and have even been exercising. It’s all been light exercise because I haven’t officially been cleared yet, but none of that is the issue, not entirely anyway.
The eating well part can be hard simply because of the life I lead. However, I’ve started cooking at home more despite my icky kitchen. It bugs me to know end, but I have to do it. We can’t eat out of cans until we find a bigger place. (We don’t literally eat canned food day in and day out, but there is a lot of convenience food tossed in the mix.)
Basically though, we’ve created a lot of bad habits during my liquid diet.
We started to buy a lot of frozen food, kits and the like because I wasn’t eating anything but shakes, salad and meat. So, W has been eating a lot of crap. Though, he’s managed to drop 30 pounds in the last several months. I think me eating next to nothing has helped him portion his food better.
But anyway, we’ve relied on convenience for the last 9 months and it’s time to go back to basics. I mean, I fucking love to cook. I fucking love to see people enjoy something I made.
So what is my deal? I haven’t even gotten to the point of my gripe yet. Right now my main issue isn’t what I put into my body. I know the basic rights and wrongs of that one. My problem is when and if.
Right now I can go hours without being hungry. I was told to watch that and eat at regular intervals. I’ve been doing that, but it’s been kind of a force feeding issue and I feel like it goes against everything I’ve been teaching myself these last few months.
Eat only when hungry. Do not over eat. The sensation of being stuffed is bad.
Well, I felt stuffed all day yesterday and made myself eat two times when I didn’t want to. Is this good or bad? How am I supposed to know when it’s okay to eat and when it’s not?
I’m seeing the Doc tomorrow. I need to find out my exact calorie intake. It was 1500, but my on-line weight program put me at 2200 for a 2 pounds a week weight loss. Those numbers are way different from each other.
Right now I’m averaging 1634 calories a day. Is this good? Is this bad? I’m not sure yet. I know I’m not dropping the pounds like mad, but then I never expected too. I expected to lose pounds slowly and steadily. My ultimate goal is 10 pounds a month, but I’m not going to shit on myself if I don’t make that goal.
This is not a race.
Besides, the most important part of this is not losing weight, but changing how I eat, how I view food, how I take care of my body, etc. I will lose the weight if I do all of the other things correctly.
Here’s this week’s goals:
1) Continue to track my food/calories/water/exercise.
2) Make my daily water goal of 48 ounces.
3) Exercise 10-15 minutes a day. Any kind at this point, just do it.
4) Find out exactly how many calories I should be eating every day.
5) Find out when my first fill will be.
6) Eat more slowly because once the fill happens, my body is going to make me pay.
7) Get the carbs out. I’ve had my fun, time to tone it down.
8) Maintain and increase mind/body communication.
9) Talk with the Doc and set up “when to eat” guidelines.
10) Keep taking vitamins. Make sure I get my fish oil in.
11) Learn that it’s okay to indulge, but not overindulge.
12) Continue to be happy, happy, happy.
13) Get mentally prepared for the pot luck. Remember you can still over eat. You can still let your old habits rear their ugly heads.
14) Bring something that you can eat to the pot luck. If nothing, your dish will be right for you.
15) Find additional things to do when you get the munchies. Surprise!!! The lap-band doesn’t stop that from happening. J
Okay, I think that’s a good list. Oh and I just wanted to say that even though I feel full most of the time, there have been a couple of days when I felt hungry all day long. So, the band isn’t an automatic no-hunger existence.
What is has been though is a great deterrent in over eating. I can see how easy it was for me to eat too much before. It only takes a few extra calories a day to keep the weight on and I’m thankful that I’ve been able to get the bad to help me lessen the damage I could do in that area.
I had my doubts about the Lap-Band in the past. Right now, I have none.
I’m eleven days post op and things are going pretty well. My incisions are healing. I’m eating and drinking like I should be (Minus 3 days) and I’ve been taking my vitamins (minus 2 days).
Okay so it hasn’t been perfect, but it’s been easier than some have experienced.
Today my main complaint is eating. I went form months and months of being hungry most of the time to not wanting to eat most of the time. Right now I am shoving Dinty Moore Beef Stew down my throat. It’s not the best thing, but it’s got 10 grams of protein and is only 150 calories and the first meal like thing I’ve had in days.
I haven’t really started cooking yet. I really need to start, but I’ve been finding it hard to motivate myself. I love to cook, I absolutely do, but not in my current kitchen. I’m going to have to get over it though because cooking my own meals means I can control carbs, sugar and all the good stuff that can become bad stuff if you eat too much of it.
But like I mentioned, right now my main goal is to get myself to even eat.
The first few days was easy. I drank all I needed, got my protein down like a champ. I counted. I made sure. The weekend hit and I lost my scheduling and it all went to hell. I think I got a total of 50 ounces of liquids and 60 grams of protein for the weekend. That’s roughly what I should get in a day.
My minimums are 48 ounces of liquids and 65 ounces of protein.
And believe you me, that takes all fucking day.
I had the add the fucking because man oh man what used to be a quick intake of breath is a day long battle of reminding myself to eat and drink.
So here is the solution.
For that past nine months I’ve had a shake for breakfast and one for lunch. I brink it in a single 20 oz container and chug it at the appropriate times. I’m still bringing in the shake, but instead of doing it for lunch and breakfast, that 20 0z bottle is now my entire breakfast. So in one swoop, one hour long drawn out swoop, I get 20 ounces of liquid and 65 grams of protein!!!!!!!!
So technically I only have to get 28 ounces of liquids in for the rest of the day.
However, one shouldn’t live on protein shakes alone.
So, I’m eating lunch and dinner on top of the shakes. The extra protein won’t hurt me and in those 10 to 16 ounces I’ll get some of the other stuff the body needs, veggies, fruits, carbs, fats….yeah that’s my plan.
Cept…..it’s 1pm. I’ve been eating my stew for the last 35 minutes. I’m halfway through and hating every minute of it. My, my how the world turns.
I’ll get it down because that’s what the Doctor ordered. So that’s what I’m doing.
Well, I’m off to finish lunch and get back to work. Next time I’ll take about my waiter woes. Man those guys are pushy!!! NO!!!! I don’t want a drink with that!!!!!!
J