I've been on Livestrong.com for over a week now. I went there for The Daily Plate, a food/excercise tracking site. I've used quite a few others, but I', liking this one the best. It's ease of use is on par with Weight Watchers.
Anyway, I've noticed I eat everywhere from 900 to 2000 calories. The days I hit the high calories don't see me eating any more food than a 900 day, but they do see different choices. Last night for instance I ate a can of ravioli because I was too lazy. Had I paid attention to the calorie count I would have stayed away from it. It's 420 calories for a single can. That right there is more than my average calorie take for breakfast and lunch combined.
So what does this mean? Food choices are important.
I haven't really been paying attention to what I've been putting in my body. The only thing that matters is that it goes down without any trouble. I think I have a round about idea of what I can and cannot eat. But, I think that's gonna change once I get my fill. I imagine that a lot of the things that go down easily now may be troublesome later. Sushi rice for instance.
I am still a few weeks from my first fill, but I think I need to start thinking about what I'm eating, not just half or even most of the time, but all of the time. It seems that after my year of protein shakes and salads I wanted a little break. Well, this isn't about breaks it's about life changes and balancing so called bad food with so called good food.
I know for one, that I will never not eat another candy bar or have a bit of cake. I know it will happen. My goal is that a bit, a fun-size, a tad, a little, or whatever tiny adjective you can find is enough. For the most part it is, but every so often, even now after my surgery, a little isn't enough. But that's not my tummy talking. That's me not listening or my brain bypassing what my body is actually feeling.
Right now for instance, I'm full. I've had a Smart Ones frozen lunch, a fun size snickers, a yogurt and 23 ounces of water toay. If I were at work I'd have to force myself to get the majority of it down, but here at home it's not enough even with my tummy saying it is. There is some psychological switch that gives me the munchies here.
I think it's boredom. I've been sitting here all day doing nothing. Well I've been watching TV,but that's really nothing isn't it? The point is, I've got to find something to fill the brain time so that I don't go to my old standby, snacking. I can tell you now I'm grateful that we don't buy many snacks anymore. We buy them on occassion as "treats" and in very small amounts. There are no stacks of chips in the kitchen, candy bars littering the pantry or even that many quick and easy bad-for-yous all over the place. The worst damage I could do right now is hummus and whole wheat pita bread.
I guess what I'm trying to remind myself today is the me in the weight loss factor. I think it's easy to forget the power we have over oursleves and the control we weild when it comes to eating. Sometimes I let the food rule me and the idea of addiction run rampant. I think the classic thing I do is tell myself that today will be the last day I allow myself to eat that extra bite or take that extra portion. Right now at this very moment I am figthing that urge and you know having the band doesn't make it any easier. You think it will until it is actually you sitting here, fighting off a craving.
Perhaps things will change after my fill? I've been told without the "restriction" of a fill there is nothing stopping you. I do know that at the moment if I eat slowly enough, I can eat over a cup of food at a time. I'm laughing at that. There was a time when I'd eat 2 cups of rice without even thinking. I'd toss on my orange chicken and take a bite without even realizing how much I was actually eating.
No, I can't do that kind of damage anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't have the ability to do damage to my ultimate goals.
That is the biggest deal. I can't do the damage I have been capable of. Over time I'm sure I can fuck it up, but right now my band is preventing me from 5 slices of pizza, a biggie size meal at Wendy's, a three course meal at Mimi's, chowing down on chips before I get my enchiladas at Chevys. These are things many of us eat without thinking. We have no real concept of what an actual cup is or how much we really need to eat. I've spent the last year phasing out of my super sized life. Right now I'm on a new phase trying to figure out what I can do with my tummy, what it can take and more importantly what it should.
And you know it's kind of hard. I keep thinking I'm not eating enough. I keep having to unlearn things that I was told not to do. Lap-Band change the rules in some ways, in others it enforces it.
One rule change...for now I have to read while I eat or I will eat to fast. In the past they always said do not eat with distraction.
One same rule...eat slowly.
Another rule change...drink while you eat, it fills you up and makes you eat less. (Edited to note: No drinking while eating while drinking when you are banded.)
Another same rule...drink 8 glasses of water every day.
In my twisted thesis here, I'm trying to say I'm having to adjust to more than just the band in terms of actual food, but also in habit. And I'm struggling here and there add that to the basic issues most of us fat people have and we have what I deem heavy duty task. But you know I'm cool with it. I've come so far and have done so much and all these troubles I'm facing won't be trouble for long. Soon enough they will be second nature and that is the overall goal. the evolution of my relationship to food. One day food won't be my enemy. It will simiply be something enjoyalbe that sustains me.
Wouldn't that be fucking cool? Oh fuck yeah it would be. I want it and I'm going after it and I'm not letting one afternoon of severe munchies throw me off track. I'm better than that. I love me more than that. Yeah....fucking cool. Later.