* *Though there are some public posts, the majority of them are "friends only". If you would like to see the rest of them, please comment to be added. Thanks.**
I wasn’t going to journal about this. I was going to leave it as a piece of my memory that I could leave behind me. I wanted it to be something I could journey back for on my own time. I didn’t want to carry it with me on paper or screen. I thought about it this weekend and wondered why not chronicle this, perhaps the easiest facet of my life? Why not chronicle the fat girl as she takes the steps to improve her body and perhaps extend her life? Why is this taboo when other things are not?
Because speaking of being fat is becoming fat.
Online I am not a fat girl. Online no one sees my belly or the peak of a second chin. Online I am free from the prejudice that surrounds the visual of me. Once I say I am fat the perception of me changes. All of the sudden all that I say is being said by a fat girl, not a beautiful girl, not a smart girl. Fat erases every other characteristic. It becomes the foundation of judgment.
She’s pretty for a fat girl…. She’s so funny, but fat girls are… She’s smart, but what does a fat girl have to do but…
And what happens when this fat girl wants to lose that weight? What happens when she takes the steps to become healthier? Does the world come to her and help her? Some do, some will smile and say it is about time. Some will clap their hands in support. But the world is not full of support, not even from those who have been telling a fat girl how pretty they are or how much prettier they can be. Support comes in handfuls not the abundance one might think.
So what does this all mean? It means so very much and it means so very little.
I have to ask myself do I want to set an example? Can I even be one? Examples inspire do they not? They inspire by success.
I cannot answer that question. I cannot tell you what will happen. I can only tell you what has.